Week 2 begins

Today marked the beginning of the second week of the term, although it doesn't feel like it yet because I don't have any actual classes until tomorrow.

I'm not sure where I am at in regards to how I feel about graduate school thus far - and that's probably what has me off kilter. After begin confident that this was the right, best choice, I can't help but wonder if it truly was and if I would have been better served by just working first, provided that I could find a job, or even pursued my other options harder, i.e. waited out UW on their waitlist, or stuck with the more familiar UO in Eugene. I am not sure why I am second guessing myself now; perhaps school becoming a reality has brought the possibilities that can spring from it back down to earth. I don't know.

I think part of my problem is the cultural shift. I don't ride a bike everywhere nor do I believe that solution to all transportation problems must include more bike lanes and paths. I don't alternate between coffee at local shops with water bottles adorned with stickers of self expression on them; I drink soda. It almost appears that Timbuk2 messenger bags are part of the required uniform, yet I still shoulder my six year old Targus backpack. These differences of course are largely aesthetic, but I do know that they will go deeper and may make it more challenging to find like-minded acquaintances and friends.

Academics too are a big shift. It's all about group projects here. I knew that coming in, so it's no surprise. Still, there are group projects for things that in my opinion should not be. It's hard for me to feel that competitive, perfectionist focus that made me such a good student at CCSU, when the lines between what's my work and "our" work will be so blurred. The workload doesn't seem to be too bad with a focus on short technical memos rather than large papers. It is complicated by the fact that I find the instructions on the various assignments to be confusing and it's unclear how these memos are supposed to come together. Most of my confusion and frustration are related to Methods and History & Theory of Planning. Thankfully my Econ professor thus far seems to be using a style that's much more in tune with what I am comfortable with, so at least there's that.

My research assistantship is going alright. Flyering is getting old, but it should be done Wednesday. Doing phone calls for scheduling families for the study can also wear on me if I have to go more than a few hours at a shot. Speaking of hours, I am irritated with how flexible my work schedule is. It's not entirely clear when and how long I need to be there. I dictate when I arrive and leave and how much work I do. Joe, the PhD in charge, always seems thankful for my work, however I wonder if I am doing enough work, because he and Holly put way more than their FTE hours. I am slated for .35, or 14 hours a week. Joe made it sound like that was sort of an average, that sometimes it's much higher and sometimes it's a lot lower. Call me cheap, but I like to get compensated for what I do and am not too keen on overloading on GRA hours for the same pay, particularly since it will infringe on my study (and sanity) time. Whatever the case is, I did let Joe know that I wanted him to give me some sort of framework for a schedule, that I need feedback on whether or not my amount of work is living up to expectations. It's funny how sometimes I miss the rigid and crystal clear managerial methods that my supervisors in the Navy employed.

I'll hit my groove at some point. I am not helped by the fact that PSU still hasn't certified me to the VA. Translated to English: this means I won't get paid for several more weeks, maybe even a month. It will eventually happen, but for now I will have to continue to carry a much larger balance on my credit card than I am comfortable with. Once that gets resolved, there will be some uncertainty that will go away.